The vapor from the new boy’s electronic cigarette flies toward me, moves through me, like a cotton candy ghost.
But it isn’t really cotton candy. It isn’t really a ghost. That was just a simile. Similes are just pretty lies. No, it’s really just the product of a chemical reaction—propylene glycol, glycerin, nicotine, fake cotton candy smell.
Electronic cigarettes appeared on the market in 2004. They are NOT REALLY cigarettes. They are VAPORIZERS. That’s why I said vapor, not smoke, because it ISN’T smoke. You CAN’T smoke an electronic cigarette. But some people still stay that’s what they’re doing.
Those people are liars.
The new boy’s name is Brandeis. I ask if he’s named after Louis Dembitz Brandeis, and he asks, who the hell is he?
Louis Dembitz Brandeis served on the Supreme Court from June 1, 1916 until February 13, 1939, when he retired even though he didn’t have to. Supreme Court justices can work until they die, if they want.
Brandeis—the new boy, not the dead justice—asks me are you a flipping weirdo or something?
I am NOT a flipping weirdo. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to be a flipping weirdo. I’m not flipping anything right now, so I’m just a regular weirdo, if I’m a weirdo at all. Weirdo is a subjective term, so it’s impossible to make a definitive statement one way or another.
Brandeis says I didn’t come here to listen to random BS facts, shoves his earbuds in, walks away.
I want to tell him facts can’t be BS, because facts CAN’T LIE, that’s what makes them FACTS, so get a DICTIONARY already, but he is already gone before I can.
Now it’s just me and this cotton candy ghost.
But it isn’t really cotton candy. It isn’t really a ghost.
That’s just my favorite pretty lie.